Picnic for One

So, I got home from my lovely picnic in the park half an hour ago. It was really nice. I spent five hours just relaxing. I listened to some of my favorite songs, read, ate, and journaled. It was really nice. Just having a short time to myself can be quite a treat. I took a few pics on my laptop, so I thought I'd share a few.

 I found a nice warm, and semi-shady grass area.

 I had a nice lunch and did a little journaling:)

 I read, and made weird faces at the camera... :P

And overall just had a really nice, relaxing time. Just getting to be free for a little is really nice. {Especially after a long week of finals.}
I hope you guys are having a great weekend!
lovelovelove,
Melissa

Picnic

I am getting ready to go on a little picnic for one right now. I am downloading some music on to my laptop, grabbing some paper and pencils, and making a little lunch. I am then going to ride my bike down to the park by my house, and have my own little mini picnic.

I decided to do this, because I realized that I don't give myself any time to be free anymore. I get so lost in all the bad, and forget that I need love myself a little. I am always trying to help and fix others, but I never give myself any time to really let go. I get so caught up in stress, and all the problems I've been having lately, so this is my way of taking a break and breathing for once. I don't really know what I am going to do at this picnic. A part of me wants someone to come sit with me, and another part wants to just sit there alone. I've been told I shouldn't be alone all the time, but I don't know. So yea, hopefully something good will come out of this. Love you all!

lovelovelove,
Melissa

P.S. If anyone reading this that knows me wants to come join me, I'd enjoy the company this afternoon. I'll be at the park near my house. If you don't know me, well you can be there in spirit. xoxo.

Dream with Jules Callaghan

I have gotten used to having nightmares most nights. It's just the way things are. I can't thoroughly wrap my mind around why, but that is just the way it is. When I'm not having nightmares, I'm not dreaming at all pretty much. But it was different last night, and I wouldn't take it back for anything. So, this morning my alarm went off for my early morning run, but I turned it off without thinking and fell back asleep. Whoops... Well, maybe it's not completely a whoops, because when I fell back asleep I had an amazing dream.
Most people would probably consider my dream more of a nightmare, but the fact that Jules Callaghan, my favorite character from the TV show Flashpoint, was in it made my life. I have always wished that one day I'd get to meet the actual character {even though that isn't really realistic,} but in my dream I actually got to. That right there made the whole nightmare one of my favorite dreams ever. For those who don't know who Jules Callaghan is, here is a picture of her and my favorite quote of hers from season 1, episode 6. This picture is my desktop background right now, hahaha. But seriously, I love her. She is so inspiring, and she truly is an incredible woman.

Anyway, back to the dream. I only remember certain excerpts of the dream, so bare with me when I start jumping around. I remember that the SRU, Strategical Response Unit, was having a practice lock down type thing. It was kind of like they were practicing for a real emergency/gun threat type thing in the middle of the city at night. Everyone in the surrounding buildings were forced to leave their buildings and go to this one area. I happened to be in ballet when this happened. So, I was just in a black leo, tights, sneakers, and a jacket. Luckily I had a jacket, because it was really cold. Things started to get really scary when I got left alone in all this commotion. To make things worse, there was actually a bad guy there and he had a gun, and it then turned into an actual high-risk case. I'm surprised I didn't wake up at this point, because it was quite terrifying with everyone running in all different directions plus there was a shooter on the loose. I just freaked out not knowing what to do, and after that it goes black. I don't know what happened to me during this time. I just can't remember, but I do remember that the shooter was eventually put in custody and that everything was safe again. Somehow the scene changed to being in my neighborhood. There was still a lot of cop stuff being done down the street, but Jules happened to be walking me home. The weird part is that I was bawling, just flat out bawling in her arms. She helped me walk up to my doorstep where at that point I was a complete mess. I don't think I've ever cried that much. She just held me in her arms and let me cry until I couldn't any longer. Then she said that I was going to be okay, that she's here for me, and something very similar to the quote above. We said goodbye for now, and then I went inside. That was the end of the dream.
It's kind of weird that I consider that one of my favorite dreams, but really the main reason that it's my favorite dream is because I got to meet Jules, who happens to be my all time idol. So, yea, it was slightly terrifying, but meeting Jules made up for it all.

lovelovelove,
Melissa

New Story: chaptergrace

Hey everyone! So, on the last post I talked about how I was starting a new story. Well, it is officially true!!! It is called chaptergrace. I started writing it the other day, and have continued to write it this afternoon. It is actually quite fun to write it, and can also be quite therapeutic. I decided that I would make my own separate blog for this book, and am quite happy about the whole shabang! I made an "about" section, which this section is pretty much what would go on the back of a novel. I, also, made a "music" section, which is like a small, little so-called soundtrack for my story. The songs kind of just fit with the theme, so I added them in. And then of course there is the main section that show the chapters. I have so far written two chapters, and am planning to write more soon! If any of you guys are interested in reading my new story, you can check it out here. You're welcome to follow it, and I'd love to get feedback on what you guys think! Hope you guys enjoy the rest of your night!
lovelovelove,
Melissa

A New Story

Hey everyone! So, I know that quite a few of you subscribed to my last story I was writing. I am sorry I stopped sending you guys the chapters. It got really hard to keep up with it, and soon enough I had forgotten about it. So, I just thought I'd say sorry about that.

Today in class, I was having one of those moments where my mind was in a completely different place. I kept having flashbacks, and asking myself what it would be like if things were different. I then start wondering what could happen in the future, and from then on I started making up these random but complex scenarios. This is usually how I end up starting my stories. I tend to base them on my own life, or dreams. I just add a twist to them by making them how I wish they went, or so that they make more sense, etc.

I started my new story by doodling a picture, while brainstorming how I wanted to start the beginning of my story. After finishing my little drawing, I started the actual story. I didn't get to far. I only completed about half a page, but I'm liking it so far.

Writing stories for me is kind of my way of getting things out slowly. It's like putting all those swarming thoughts down on paper, and in some way letting it go. It isn't very common when I can actually stay inspired to continue to write, but when I feel the need to, there's no stopping me.

Anyway, I'm considering posting this new story, but this time I want to work a little more on it to make sure it will be all right, blah, blah, blah. You guys probably know what I mean. So yea... love you guys! Thanks for the support you've been giving me at school, online, and over the phone. It means a lot even if I don't always say it.

lovelovelove,
Melissa

Gold

Hey guys! So, I just wanted to share a music video that I absolutely adore. This song and video have really helped me get through my hard days, and I just love it. It pretty much says that no matter who you are and what you've been through that you're worth it. That you're worth more than gold. I ran across this singer during winter break, and she automatically became one of my favorite singers. Her name is Britt Nicole, and I just really love the way she is and what she does. I can connect to so many of her songs, and it is truly comforting to have her words to listen to during tough times. I shared one of her songs last post, and that one really gets to me. I can really relate to it. It was the first song I heard of hers, and right away I knew I love it. I hope you love this song/video as much I do.

Love you guys! And remember, you're worth more than gold! xoxo
lovelovelove,
Melissa

Hidden Side {When She Cries}

Hi guys. I just feel like I need to vent a little, so I'm sorry. Lately things have just sucked. I don't post enough here about my personal life for you guys to truly understand what I'm going through, but let me tell you, it's been really hard. I was at such a high place at the very start of my winter break, and within the same 24 hours I had crashed down to a really low and dark place. I didn't sleep at all for almost 2 days, and my eating habits changed rapidly. Unfortunately, for most of the winter break I stayed in this dark place. I put on a happy face and tried to keep fighting through it. But in reality, I just wanted to hide away from the world. It just seemed better that way. I'd lock myself in my room for hours at a time. The odd thing is that I wouldn't be doing anything special. I'd sometimes just lay there, and other times I'd put on something on netflix as a distraction. But it sucked. I was alone. Even when I was spending time with family and friends, I just felt empty and alone inside. So many times I just wanted to break down and cry, but being me, I didn't. It just really hurts. I want to be happy again, but I'm starting to feel like maybe that light I used to have may never really come back. Anyway, I need to get back to stressing over my physics test. Sorry if I brought any of you guys down. I really am sorry.
Love you guys<3
lovelovelove,
Melissa

The last few hours of 2013

When I went in to 2013, I was super excited. It was going to be my year. I mean, it was twenty THIRTEEN. Thirteen is my favorite number for all of you who are wondering why it is such a big deal for me. I couldn't wait for this year would bring. And let me tell you, it brought me a whole lot. For this past week, I kept thinking about how shitty this year had been. I could only remember all the pain I had suffered through, and all my struggles I had to endure. But what I didn't realize is that there were actually a lot of great moments of this year. I had so much negative going through my mind that I wasn't able to see all the amazing moments I got to go through. These two little guys helped me out with that. I found a letter that I wrote to myself 10 minutes before 2013, and my 2013 memories jar. Those two little guys reminded me of all those amazing times I had. Some made me giggle way to hard {I was reading them to myself at a party, so I'm sure everyone thought I was weirdo.} There were many cute little memories like cute little things with Brian or my best friends, or the Carrie Underwood concert. My favorite memory from the jar would have to be the one when I got my acceptance letter to COSMOS. I completely didn't believe I had any chance of getting in, and once I opened that email I broke down in tears. It was one of the best moments of my life. I was so happy. I remember laying in bed that night, and not getting a drop of sleep I was so excited. See, those little things really do make this year look so much brighter.

It's time to say goodbye to 2013, and welcome 2014 with open arms. I can't wait for what 2014 has to bring. Life is a roller coaster and it isn't easy, but I got to have faith that whatever happens, I will get through it. 2014 is a new beginning, and is a chance to start over. So, let's make the best of it!
lovelovelove,
Melissa