Hidden Side {Body Confidence}

In the last month or two there has been a lot of negativity in my life. There have been people that haven't been too nice... Girls who are shoving me, stepping on my ankles, and calling me foul names in the hallways is just the tip of the iceberg. It's kind of unfortunate that I'm used to that kind of stuff though. Middle school was the same way. I have always seemed to be an easy target. Very few friends have actually cared either, which granted, makes things more difficult.

Unfortunately, I can't say that's all the negativity in my life. I've been sick for years fighting self hatred and body image problems. At a young age of 12 I started to think I was fat. I hated my body. I never liked to go swimming, because I never thought I was pretty or skinny enough to be in a bathing suit. In the last year or so, my body confidence has dropped significantly. It has affected me in many ways. Everyday became a struggle. My voice inside my head telling myself I wasn't good enough was stronger and worse than the voices outside...

But...

I'm not here to write a sob story. I could go on and on, but I'm pretty sure you would get bored of my seemingly never-ending novel of sadness. I want this to be focused on the accomplishments I've gained despite the issues I have been dealing with. I have made many little ones, but most of them are not special unless you're me or they're just simply to personal for me to share.

So, anyway...

I've been really working hard on accepting myself for who I am... that includes my mistakes, flaws, numbers, health, everything. I'm happy to say that I've been having more days that I wake up feeling confident and happy with who I am.

I don't have much really to say about that now that I think about it, but I just felt like sharing that little accomplishment. I'm just happy that I'm moving in a better direction. Yes, I do still have bad days... today, for example. But it gives me hope for the future. It gives me hope that some day I will be able to say I am 100% happy with who I am, everyday, no matter what.

Kisses<3

lovelovelove,
Melissa

Trying.

 

It's 2015. A new year. Isn't that kind of crazy to think about? We celebrate another year every time our little earth gets itself all the way around the sun. That's quite an accomplishment if you ask me. 2014 was not easy trip. At least for me it was. I'm trying to think 2015 in a new light though

The last few years have been really hard, but this year I'm gonna put in extra effort to help myself and make sure I am able to accomplish all I hope to in 2015, like graduating, going on more adventures, meeting new people, starting college, turning 18... All it takes is a little effort, a little hope, a little prayer, a little strength.

I'm no longer in full recovery, which is kind of a sad thing when I think about it. Recovery and I aren't doing so great at the moment, unfortunately. But I'm going to try. I'm going to try my best to keep going. It's kind of overwhelming just writing down these words. My heart's starting to race a little. But it's true, I'm going to try. My first step is to try to make myself a happier person. I made little goals that I'm going to try to reach and work on. Some may not be accomplished right away, maybe not even this year, but one day I will reach them.

I'm going to try to:
- Speak up if/when I'm struggling.
- Dress in ways that make me feel confident more often.
- Realize my self worth is more than just numbers (This one's probably gonna take a lot longer than most.)
- Have friends over... Throw tea parties, sleepovers, baking parties, etc.
- Go on bike rides/runs.
- Eat (at least) a meal a day.
- Listen to more happy music.
- Bake cookies and other goodies.
- Understand that my mental health comes before anything else.
- Have one completely lazy day per week.

So, that's some of my goals. Some of them I've been working on since last year, and some are new (like baking cookies!!)

Happy New Year, lovelies:)

lovelovelove,
Melissa