Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That

I'm having one of those nights where I just cant sleep. There's just too much on my mind at the moment. Anyway, I wanted to make a mixed post full of different things that have been happening lately, and just some photos I've been taking while I'm bored.

 I have been practicing using manual a lot lately on my camera, and has actually been really fun. I took these photos of my pooches the other day. Molly's picture makes me sad. She's getting quite old, and it really hurts knowing that she wont be around much longer. I've been trying to give all my love to her whenever I get a chance.

 There have been some really gorgeous sunsets lately. I didn't really feel like editing this photo, but isn't the sunset gorgeous despite the slightly dry colors?!!

 Now that I look at this photo above I think what the freak, that looks disgusting. It really isn't. It's a recipe my mom got from Colombia. This dish is from my favorite Colombian restaurant, Crepes and Waffles. This restaurant was the only one I ever wanted to go to, and I would always choose the dish shown above. Of course it looked prettier at the restaurant, but homemade almost tastes the same, if not better.

 The other night I was chatting with my good friend since 6th grade, David. He just graduated basic training, so we got to chat for a little while. We are always messing with each other, but in the end we are like brother and sister. I miss him so much!

 I've been setting a lot of goals for myself lately. One is to try to do my very best to get in to my dream school, UC Davis. After going to COSMOS, the only college I really am dying to go to is Davis. That school is amazing.

 Here is a picture I took after getting home from a long day at school. I usually have quite a big load of homework to do, which ya know can be a little stressful at time, but I get through it.

 Here is one of my after school snacks. I have recently banned this food from my house along with a lot of other foods. I love it so much, and that's why I'm banning it. I've banned it along with candy and other foods I love. Don't ask me why I'm banning my favorite foods, I just am.

 Physics labs, like shown above, are a big part of my physics grade. My teacher expects perfection for these things. I don't think I've ever seen a perfect score on these buddy boys before. Luckily I got an A on my first one, so that was an encouraging way to start the class.

 I have been writing inspirational quotes on my water bottles lately. That way whenever I'm thirsty I'll at least read one of them. This one says: "Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect." by Demi Lovato.

 Liam had is 12th birthday!!!!! My baby brother has grown up on me! I'll be posting more about this later.

 My mom and I went to a quilt/plant show yesterday. It was super last minute, but I'm so glad I went. It was fun to take a break and go out with my mom for a while. Even though I was a little sick yesterday, I stuck through it and actually had quite a good time if you cant tell by the pictures above.

Almost all day I've been talking with one of my best friends, Gillian, who is currently at college on the other side of the country. I broke down today, and for the first time told someone all that I've been going through. It was tough opening up about this nonstop nightmarish roller coaster I've been on these past few weeks, and a lot of tears were shed. I'm lucky to have a friend like Gillian who is always by my side when I'm hurting. After reaching the bare bottom of the bucket today with her, I feel a little more relieved. I'm a person that doesn't like to talk about her problems, and would rather focus on the happy parts of life. She managed to help bring out the true me today. See, I put on a smile sometimes when I go to school, but when I come home I'm a mess. I'm learning to cope with that right now. I don't want to have to break down again as hard as I did today. It wasn't easy, and it hurt. When I have problems, I want to be able to talk about them now. It's going to take some time for me to get to that point, but that is a goal I've set for myself today.

I dont currently have a photo of this, but I have been singing a lot lately. It has become something I thoroughly enjoy. It has been hard these last few days to sing, because I've been having an on and off cold. Still, I have been having lots of fun recording. I might post one of my covers soon if I dont lazy off. I actually just made a video for my COSMOS friends with me covering one of our favorite songs, Clarity by Zedd (ft. Foxes.) So, despite that I was sick and it wasn't the best audio recording I've made, it came out pretty great for a first video.

Anyway, I'm going to go attempt to sleep now that I have to be up in 4 hours. Oh joy. Hopefully I can sleep tonight. My mind is still all over the place with thoughts.
lovelovelove,
Melissa

Hidden Side {Tough Week}

This week was really tough for me.  I have a lot of tough weeks, but this one was a little more than others. I've been having some emotional and physical issues, and it has really been making it hard for me. There have been quite a few moments where I have been working at school, and I would stop and all of a sudden feel like I was going to cry. I've been quite vulnerable to things lately, and it's gotten really hard for me. Friends have tried to reach out and let me know that they're there for me, but I just keep pushing them away. I lost it the other day, and posted something pretty personal on instagram (and a little on twitter, but it wasn't nearly as bad.) It got quite a lot of attention, and I have been feeling people watching me in the halls lately like they're making sure I'm ok. A lot of people have been asking if I'm ok, and I say that I'm doing good. But really, in the inside I'm not. I just don't know how to say it. It's really hard to express stuff to others, and most of the time I will just shut people out. I don't do it intentionally, it just happens. I've been going through a lot lately, and I've gotten so closed lately that I dont think anyone knows about what I've been going through. Of course, stress from school. That's a given. Still, there is so much under that, and I have a feeling most people think that I'm probably just stressed. Yea, I'm stressed... I confess it, but still. Usually I'm only dealing with one or two things, but it seems like everything is being thrown at me. And I'm not a catcher. I'm just falling apart at the seams.
lovelovelove,
Melissa

The Hidden Side {Stay Strong}

There was a time when I would write Stay Strong on my hand to help me fight through the rough times last year. I wrote it to remind myself that I'll get through it, everything will be all right, and not to cry. So, I never cried. I stayed like a rock, not budging, and did, well, what I thought staying strong meant. Little did I know that all those little things I gathered along the way began to hurt more and more. I wouldn't show emotion to it. I thought I was so strong, and thought that nothing would get to me. But, I was wrong. Everyone hurts sometimes, and sometimes a lot more than other times. Over time I grew afraid to cry. Staying strong was what I thought kept me going. Every time some type of obstacle was thrown at me, I'd take the hit, but not let my emotions take over. I would fight those tears by putting on a smile. That smile seemed to hide the real me, and the pain I felt inside. Nobody noticed. I guess my drama teacher was right about me being a pretty good actress. At the time I thought that nobody seeing my hurt was a good thing. When someone is hurt or confused or lonely or sick they usually cry, but I fought through it all. I fought through it, and I thought I wasn't going to have to deal with it ever. But I was wrong, because it kept gathering inside me, and I began to hurt more and more. I still stayed strong, because by this time where so much had gathered up in me I was too afraid to cry to feel anything. I never told anybody I was afraid to cry. It had been like that on and off for years, but this past year has definitely been the worst. I felt I had to stay strong for my friends, and stay strong so that no one could knock me down. I have fought through a lot over the past few years. I have gone through stuff I am actually not really willing to talk about yet, but let me tell you, I've been through a lot. Those two words, Stay Strong, got me through those rough days. I hid from my tears though. Eventually, I talked to one of my best friends, Gillian, and I confessed for the first time that I was afraid. The support she gave me was comforting. I saved her and my conversation on my phone, so now every time I need to hear those words I can look back and remember.

The other day I was listening to a variety of music, and came across a singer I used to listen to when I was younger, Demi Lovato. I got really in to her music, and started watching interviews with her. I noticed that she had tattoos saying Stay Strong on her wrists. When I saw that it made me want to hear more about her story. Little did I know, we have quite a lot in common. Some of the crap we have gone through is very similar. Her story is my story. I have gone through, and am currently going through a lot that she has gone through, and it is nice to know that I'm not completely alone. She has become and inspiration to me. I learned what was the meaning of Stay Strong in her eyes, and when I heard about it something changed me. I've decided to see Stay Strong in a slightly different perspective from now on. To me, Stay Strong is a reminder to myself that no matter what I'm going through I will get through it. And when I'm hurting or having my own problems, I am always reminded that no matter what everything will be all right in the end.

Now, I always write Stay Strong everyday in some place where I can see it as a reminder to myself. A reminder that everything will be all right, to never give up without a fight, that it's ok to cry, and to believe that one day I will look back and remember that I stayed strong..

Stay Strong<3

lovelovelove,
Melissa

My Hidden Side {Inspired}

I have decided to make a new section on my blog called My Hidden Side. It is a very personal section where I will be able to talk about personal and extremely important topics to me. I recentlyvgot this idea and I felt like this would be a good way for me to talk about things that maybe I've never talked about, and also help get me through the stresses of junior year. I wanted to start this new section with a topic that I've really been wanting to share. It's about two lovely ladies I've been given the chance to meet, and grow close to. They literally inspire me everyday, and because of them I am who I am today. They have helped me a lot, and I look up to them. They're two of my non-celebrity role models, and I love them dearly. Also, before I continue I would like to note that these two wonderful women have never met, but are equally as amazing.

Erika {AKA Erikawwww!}

Erika is an amazing woman. I haven't known her for too long, but it seems like every time we talk it's like we've known each other for a really long time. I met Erika at COSMOS this summer, so that shows how little of time I've known her. I think that the first time we started to grow closer was at a baseball game where we just sat on the grass, laughed, and had a good time. By the end of the summer Erika and I had grown a good friendship. I don't know why but for some odd reason I feel a connection with certain people, and know that I can trust them automatically with anything. She and I were talking two weeks ago, and when she asked if I was excited about starting school I gave her the honest truth that I was not and was actually really scared. I told her about a lot that happened last year, and that I was scared about how junior was going to turn out. I told her how I didnt want a repeat of the previous year. By the time I had said goodnight I was covered in tears. I was kind of shocked that I had responded that way, because we were just FB messaging. She got me crying really hard, but her words were so down to earth and I was able to feel them strongly in my heart. She is seriously one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. Her kind words touched my heart, and comforted me a bunch as I walked in to school on the first day.

Erika is an amazing girl! Just thought I'd say just to make sure you guys heard me the first time. She was one of the girls I grew closest to at UC Davis. The picture above is when we were in San Francisco messing around by trying to skateboard on this weird skateboard trailer thing. Anyway, I obviously love hanging out with her. On the last day of COSMOS I gave her a letter that said thank you for being the best big sister I ever had. I'm so lucky to have met a girl who can make me laugh so hard that it hurts, a girl who listens, a girl who'll always be there when I'm hurt, a girl who can make me cry for all the right reasons, and a girl that doesn't care if I accidentally fell asleep on her for about 3 hours. Haha! Erika has inspired me to not let anything stop me from reaching my goals, and to never give up. She is so inspiring in so many ways. I love you, Erika!

Gillian

Gillian is another brilliant woman. I've known her since freshman year, but I haven't gotten to really know her until a year ago. I texted her randomly one day, even though I barely knew her then, just because I needed some advice. I looked up to her all through freshman year, and felt like I could trust talking to her. Anyway, I was having a tough start of sophomore year feeling overloaded with homework. I, also, didn't have a mom to talk to then, and I felt like I was losing my friends, so I didn't really have anyone to talk to. She helped me a lot that September night, and I ended up writing her a letter saying thanks, and some of the hurt I had been going through. At our orchestra rehearsal, she came up to me and asked me if I was ok. I tried to fight back tears, but she just gave me a long hug... a hug that made me feel a sense of comfort and love that I had been missing. As time went on our relationship grew stronger, and I began to trust her with things that I didn't trust anyone else with. I went to her when I was hurt, lost, confused, or just needing a friend. And she was always there. She was even there at 1 in the morning listening to me while I was in pain, and wishing for an end. She was there by my side when she could see the pain in my eyes. And she was the one there to tell me everything will be all rights, and to shut my eyes for a little while.

Besides Gillian being an amazing woman and making me feel comforted when I needed a friend, she is so much fun to hang around with. I loved getting to drive to Oakland with her and Diane {even though Diane was practically a mute in the back seat since she felt super sick} to go to give the donations and cards to the Oakland Children's Hospital. Just getting to talk, and really be me was exciting. I got to try new things, and talk about topics that we happened to both like and find interesting. Also, even though Gillian graduated last June, she has still been here for me everyday by helping me prepare for the nerve racking auditions. I am so lucky to have become friends with Gillian. She is the one who makes me want to improve myself everyday in orchestra. I continue and work harder everyday in hope that one day I'll be as good as she is. She is such an inspiration to me. She has inspired me to want to help and inspire other girls just like she did for me. I love you, Gillian!

As you can tell, these two women are absolutely incredible. I strive to follow in their footsteps one day, and make them proud. These women make me so thankful to have two that I can be so open with, and can trust with anything. I love you girls! And thank you for being there for me.

<3

lovelovelove,

Melissa

Mini Update

Hey everyone! I just wanted to let you guys know that I will be trying to post more of these COSMOS posts. I am having a blast reliving all of the memories. They are really fun to write about, but the only problem is that these posts tend to be more time-consuming than others. So, I just wanted to let you guys know that the posts will take a while. I'm hoping to be able to have them all posted by Christmas time. I know that is a long time away, but lets just say that school has not been very nice with me by giving me loads of homework already. Yea, maybe not as much as last year towards the end of the year, but I can only imagine what the ending of Junior year holds. So anyway, please hang with me as I try to post the COSMOS posts.

Also, I wanted to share with you guys how excited I am! I finally started my driving lessons! So far I am only doing online course stuff, but still I am very excited about finally doing something teenager-like. I felt like I needed to start working on this now since I've already been 16 for almost 3 months. I could have started this when I was 15 and a half, but then I had a lot of weight on my shoulders, and I honestly am glad I didn't start then because I don't think I could of handled it.

Anyway, enough about driving. I've been doing pretty good at school lately! It's been almost 2 weeks, and so far everything has been going not to bad. I've gotten homework, but not enough to stress me out. Thumbs up about that. Still, I'm trying to stay on track, and make sure I get A's again this year.

Oh, yea! So, as of two thursdays ago we have been doing chair auditions for orchestra. I swear, that is so freaking... ahhhhh!!! for me this year. In the past, I didn't worry so much, because I just wasn't as in to playing the violin as I was even just half a year ago. I finally got to audition this last thursday after an extremely long wait! I was so nervous! My main goal was to be able to show him I'm worth it, and that I can prove him I have really improved substantially. I've recognized that I've improved, and my family and friends have too, but really the only one I wanted to get an opinion on how I've improved is Mr. Jimenez, my conductor. His opinion matters so much to me, and I am always trying to prove, and show him how hard I'm working. After the audition, he gave me such great feedback! He said he was extremely impressed at my improvement over the last half of this year. It really brought me. I have some serious goals I want to reach still, but I have conquered so many lately, and I cant help but thank God every night for giving me the ability to achieve them.

I hope to post again tonight or tomorrow! If I don't, I hope to post again very soon!

lovelovelove,
Melissa

COSMOS {Late Night Roof Observing}

As a part of my class, I was assigned a night to ride my bike with a couple friends to the physics building after dinner. We met our teacher, Chris, and our cluster friend, Paul, to go up on the roof. It gets pretty chilly up there so we dressed like we were going to San Francisco. {By the way, Janiqua and I chose to do this two times, because we had so much fun the first time. I will be just saying this story as one instead of making two separate posts.} We had to get chairs from the fifth floor, and carry them up to the roof. We, then, helped Paul bring his telescope to the roof where we built it, and then waited until it was completely dark.

While Janiqua and I were waiting for it to be dark, we took tons of pics as the sun was setting.

 Isn't she adorable?! I love her so much!

Here is a picture of the telescope we were using. It was pretty gnarly. Honestly, I was afraid to tough it since it's so expensive.

Here is one of the many photos I took after the sunset. The sky had an orange horizon, and if you look closely you can see Venus.

After the sun went down, we got to start our observing. I got to check out to different stars, Janiqua got to as well, and some of the other people got to look at galaxies, Pluto, and other cool things! After I was done observing for my part, I went down stairs where it was warmer, and called my mom to see how she was doing. Janiqua came with me, because she wanted to prepare the water for our ramen {she's going to be such a great mommy.} It was fun getting to talk with her and Cynthia, and even more fun to drive the guys crazy while we spoke in our secret "girl language."

STORY: So, this one dude was totally hitting on me, but I only saw him as a friend. He was getting way to close and personal, so I actually had to get upset with him so he'd stop. Really awkward... someone even got a really cute picture of us two. Well, it would have been cute if we were actually dating. But yea, that's not going to happen. I made a promise to myself before I left that I wouldn't date any of the guys at COSMOS, because generally long distance relationships don't work, and neither do summer romances.

STORY: After observing, we have to either ride our bikes or walk back home. The first time I got to ride my bike, and it was actually pretty fun going super speedy back to the dorms. The second time, I had a broken bike, so I had to walk back with Anoop and Sergiy. It was funny how they were freaking out about somebody jumping from behind a tree and murdering us. The walk was really long, but it was really fun to just hang out with them at 12:30 in the morning.

lovelovelove,
Melissa