Change.

I looked back today, and realized that I haven't used my camera since November. I know. What the heck is wrong with me? You want to know why? Well, I won't go in to detail, but I have been fighting through a lot: eating problems, depression, anxiety... that's just a few to title. Through all of this stuff I have been going through, I have lost touch with many things that used to mean the world to me. I lost my perfect grades. I lost a healthy body. I lost my interest in photography. I lost the joy in dancing. I lost friends. I lost motivation. I lost my connection with God. I lost many, many things.

Although I had lost many things, this weekend I have gained a few back. My grades are starting to go up again. I have pulled out my camera again, and started shooting whatever caught my eye. I am starting ballet this summer. I have motivated myself enough to do things I would not have done a week ago. And most importantly, I have started talking to God again.

I know, this is all kind of a big deal. Melissa's fixed!!! Haha, probably not. I don't think things like that happen in just one weekend, but this weekend has given me hope for a better future. After drowning so much in my issues for so long, I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I keep praying that that light is not just a candle fooling me, but that it is actually God leading me to a better, happier place.

Here are just a couple of shots I took around my room. I'm such a fool, but that's okay. :P

Studying has kind of been a priority lately.....

and sometimes I get distracted and draw smiley faces on my erasers....

or go on tumblr for a little while...

Did I forget to tell you that it's finally JUNE?!?!?!

Typical awkward mirror selfie...

One of my faves on my wall.

Did I happen to tell you guys I got a new baby a couple months ago?! Thanks Daddy!

I truly hope that I continue to feel in this brighter mood. It is honestly such a relief to feel like this for once. Feeling constantly down and hopeless is not in anyway fun, and it makes you question many things. Hopefully this change will stay, and things will start to look upwards from now on. Love you guys! xo

lovelovelove,
Melissa

Hidden Side {Losing Hope}

Some days I just wake up wishing I never did. I know automatically that the day isn't going to be a good one. I have a lot of these days. But I go to school, and I smile. I pretend like I'm fine. I pretend like I am happy and that I love life. People ask me if I'm happy, and I lie. I'm not. I'm not happy. Must days I am suffering. I am fighting a fight that no one can see. I can only feel it inside me. I'm barely staying afloat. I am crying inside. I am dying inside. And I'm smiling on the outside. I don't know how much longer I can keep fighting. I'm losing hope. She said that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, but I don't see it. I don't see anything, except darkness. There's no light. Staying strong is so hard. Having to pretend that I see that light; that I'm in that light tears me apart even more. Where's the light? Where am I supposed to be looking? There's nothing. I'm all alone. All I feel are those inner demons tearing me apart; killing me one little bit at a time. I don't want to do this anymore.
lovelovelove,
Melissa

November

Since, I just blogged about October, I believe that it is time for me to post about November.

 I went to my friend, Natalie's, Halloween cupcake decorating party that happened to be in November.

 These cutie patooties decorating their cupcakes!

 The table of girls decorating/eating their cupcakes!

 Paola went all out while decorating.

 She made a minion, which is what she dressed up as, too!

 Playing Heads Up!

 My boyfriend, Brian, and I caught up with some of my friends from COSMOS at UC Davis!

 The Physics building that we studied at for weeks! It felt so great to be back!

 This guy... :P

 Our professors took us up on the roof to watch another gorgeous sunset.

 It was even more special to get to spend it with my one and only.

 Pizza in downtown Davis!

 I got to have gelato for the first time ever..... so gooood!

 Saying our goodbyes at the train station, and of course we had to take a major selfie!

 Lately, tea has become a big thing for me. I have it almost everyday, and I just love it.

 Thanksgiving at Nana and Opa's.

 Buddy!

  I got to decorate the table this year, and it was actually really fun!

Well, now that we're pretty much caught up on the past few months hopefully I will be able to keep up on the more fun parts of my life. Love you guys!
lovelovelove,
Melissa

Throwback to October

I've been really distracted these past few months with some personal things, and I have not been keeping up with my silly little posts. So, I am really sorry about that, and to make up for it I am making a couple really big posts. Let's rewind all the way back to October.

 We did a fundraiser for my high school's music program. We sold tickets and played our instruments in front of Lunardi's. Afterwards, Lauren and I went out to lunch with a couple of friends!

 For the past couple of months I have really become a really big fan of Demi Lovato. She has become a really big inspiration to me, and because of her I have grown the strength to do things I never would of had the strength to before.

 I decorated an old shoe box, and made it look like this. I am using it for all the notes and letters I've been writing, and I'll probably never send.

 We had our first concert of the year, which we call Showcase. It is the biggest fundraiser of the year. We had an audience of over 400 heads. It was the largest one yet, and we raised the most amount of money in the history of Showcase. Here a couple photos from the event.

 Rae, my Bae.

 Can't you tell that I love her?

 One of our private rooms for the musicians to relax, do homework, and play games while waiting to perform.

 Monbon<3

 Spirit Week! Sports day!

 In orchestra...

 Rachel and Monbon<3

 Pow Pow being creepy.

 Rae!!!

 Paola and Kara accidentally twinning...

 Disney Day with my KP!

 With Kara at the Rally!

 They were very much enthusiastic about the rally, can't you tell?!

 Demi Lovato keeping me going through tough times.

 My way of dealing with stressful days of midterms... I stock up on food, and then lock myself in my room for hours.

Halloween!!! I dressed up really last minute by putting on some really ugly tights and a hat, and called myself a witch. Besides me, there was a minion, a cell, Katniss Everdeen, and 2 Ghostbusters.

 The Ghostbusters were my favorite. They had music playing from one of there back packs, and ran around the school chasing after ghosts.

 Paola and I thought this was hilarious. Mr. Jimenez, my music conductor, put this on his door.

 Pow Pow was really bored.....

 Pow Pow stole my camera, and this was her favorite picture of her pretending to step on me.

 Pow Pow trying to skateboard.

My real Halloween costume wasn't as bad. My mom made me go trick or treating with my little brother and his friend. It ended up not being to bad.

That was pretty much my month of October! Wow, I can't believe how far behind I've gotten. Sorry guys.
lovelovelove,
Melissa