Quote {Relatable Quote}

I've been on pinterest a lot lately, and I am constantly finding these quotes that are so true and I feel that I can relate to them in many ways. It's actually pretty sad that I can relate to them, but I can. This morning I woke up, and went on pinterest. I found this quote, and for some reason this one sticks out among the rest.

 lovelovelove,

Melissa

 

Hidden Side {My Wet Band Aid}

I probably should be reading The Scarlet Letter right now, but I just have no motivation to do it. It'll most likely be 10 (it's like 8:50 right now) something when I start. All I feel like doing is writing now. Anyway, so far this week has just been horrible. It really sucks having to keep smiling when honestly at this point I just want to start crying. Sometimes it is so hard to stay strong. I've been dreading these past few weeks, soon to be months. It's so hard this year. I'm just feeling so destroyed inside. I keep on smiling and laughing and trying to be a silly idiot in hope that just maybe everything will feel alright again. But it doesn't work. It's like a wet band aid. The band aid, or my happiness, doesn't stay very long. This week has really been a roller coaster ride of both ups and downs. An up is that my best friend and I have been talking a lot the past few days, and we have are both been keeping each other company while we are hurting. There have also been some really bad days and nights this week where it has taken everything in me to fight through. I just am having trouble, and I have been so weak. I yelled at one of my best friends the other day (I never do that), my motivation level to do absolutely anything have fallen drastically, and all I feel like doing right now is crying. The sad part is that I wont though. I just keep on pushing on with my day, and at night I lay wide awake for hours at a time. I'm convinced that my "sleep" switch is starting to have technical issues. My mind wanders in circles, and it always seems like it is the time when my darkest thoughts come out to torture me. And once I fall asleep I am tortured even more by my nightmares. I wake up, sometimes even in the middle of the night, and I'm already drained. I'm forced to get up and continue exactly what I was hoping I'd left behind the day before. It's an ongoing cycle. Do you understand why I want to cry now? I continue to have to deal with this crap every day and every night. It's so draining and tiring and exhausting. And I'm just done.
lovelovelove,
Melissa

Bullying

 

Hey everyone! Today was a really important day for me. I finally had alone time to speak with my brother on the topic of bullying. It is a subject I take very seriously. Middle School is generally where bullying begins {although, it does happen a lot before then too.} Since my brother is now in middle school I've really been wanting to bring up this subject with him. It was really great to be able to tell him about bullying and the seriousness behind it, and for him to actually be really engaged in the conversation. I told him about the bullying that I've been forced to fight through. He never knew about it, so it was kind of a big deal for both of us. I told him about the different kinds of bullying, like cyber bullying, physical bullying, and verbal abuse. I, also, told him how it is more common among girls to be verbally abused like myself, but it does also happen a lot to boys. Although, physical bullying, such as beating some one up, tends to be more common amongst males. He was very interested, and asked many questions. My biggest goal of this conversation for me was to be able to let him know that if he is ever bullied that he should speak up. He doesn't have to tell me, but as long as he speaks out and tells someone is all that matters. Bullying should never be kept a secret. I made that mistake, and I don't want others to have to feel what I felt and still continue to feel. The words that were said, and the teasing that was done just in middle school still sticks with me everyday. It's very important to speak up, because well, if you don't say anything, you will never be heard. And as long as you continue to stay quiet, the bullying will continue as well. If you speak up, something will be done about the bullying, and just by you speaking up, you could not only be saving yourself but a future target.
If any of you readers are being bullied, or you know someone that is being bullied you can email me, or contact me in some way. Please, please do. No one deserves to have to go through it. If you ever need someone to talk to, or just need some way to get help please contact me. You do not need to fight through this alone. I'm here for you guys no matter what I am going through, so please keep that in mind. And if any of you have any younger sibling, I ask you to please talk to them about bullying. When being bullied you can feel very alone, and just letting your little brother or sister know that you're there will go very far. I promise you that.
lovelovelove,
Melissa

Hidden Side {So Stressed...}

Right now if you asked me what my status on life would be, this would be it: Physically and Emotionally Exhausted. I'm going through some tough times, and I'm having to deal with things that not many average teenagers go through. My emotions are flying in all different directions, and most of the time I just want to cry. Today so much pressure has been put on my shoulders, and I'm so stressed it is unbelievable. I haven't slept very much lately, and I'm so exhausted and just want to give up on life. I'm so stressed, and I don't see myself getting any sleep tonight. I have 2 huge tests tomorrow, and 1 quiz. They're all really important, and if I do bad I'm screwed. Like, goodbye life. I'm posting this right now, because my brain is already feeling fried from constant studying. There is so much pressure on me, and it's killing me inside. Aside from stress from school, there is so much more going on with me. I keep it all locked up. I've told a lot to one of my best friends, Gillian, but I still have things I haven't talked about. I know I should probably talk about it deep down inside, but I don't think I have the strength to yet. The problem is that I feel myself getting weaker. I try to keep myself going, but my smile that can make everything seem like I'm ok is starting to fade.
lovelovelove,
Melissa