Hidden Side {My Wet Band Aid}

I probably should be reading The Scarlet Letter right now, but I just have no motivation to do it. It'll most likely be 10 (it's like 8:50 right now) something when I start. All I feel like doing is writing now. Anyway, so far this week has just been horrible. It really sucks having to keep smiling when honestly at this point I just want to start crying. Sometimes it is so hard to stay strong. I've been dreading these past few weeks, soon to be months. It's so hard this year. I'm just feeling so destroyed inside. I keep on smiling and laughing and trying to be a silly idiot in hope that just maybe everything will feel alright again. But it doesn't work. It's like a wet band aid. The band aid, or my happiness, doesn't stay very long. This week has really been a roller coaster ride of both ups and downs. An up is that my best friend and I have been talking a lot the past few days, and we have are both been keeping each other company while we are hurting. There have also been some really bad days and nights this week where it has taken everything in me to fight through. I just am having trouble, and I have been so weak. I yelled at one of my best friends the other day (I never do that), my motivation level to do absolutely anything have fallen drastically, and all I feel like doing right now is crying. The sad part is that I wont though. I just keep on pushing on with my day, and at night I lay wide awake for hours at a time. I'm convinced that my "sleep" switch is starting to have technical issues. My mind wanders in circles, and it always seems like it is the time when my darkest thoughts come out to torture me. And once I fall asleep I am tortured even more by my nightmares. I wake up, sometimes even in the middle of the night, and I'm already drained. I'm forced to get up and continue exactly what I was hoping I'd left behind the day before. It's an ongoing cycle. Do you understand why I want to cry now? I continue to have to deal with this crap every day and every night. It's so draining and tiring and exhausting. And I'm just done.
lovelovelove,
Melissa